Chapter 0 from Quantum Organizations
THE ULTIMATE ENCOUNTER: Getting Acquainted with Your Paradigm and Getting a Chance to Change It
by Ralph H. Kilmann
Contents
WHAT WOULD YOU DO DIFFERENTLY?
A CHALLENGE TO THE READER
People don't spend a lot of time examining their own behavior, thinking about their motives, and augmenting their self-knowledge. Although we hear about career and relationship changes all the time, these experiences don't necessarily mean that people have learned more about themselves. During most life changes, people automatically repeat their habitual ways of seeing, thinking, and behaving -- and never look back. During personal crises or severe traumas, however, people are often forced to take a hard look at themselves and are thus given an opportunity to make significant improvements in their self-awareness. Undoubtedly, the most challenging crises are instigated by the appearance of death. Under these threatening circumstances, however, most people close down their minds and just live out what remains of their lives -- especially when there is little time left to do anything else.
Wouldn't it be nice if the confrontational power of a deathbed crisis could be encountered much earlier in life -- when there is more time (and desire) for people to reexamine their paradigms and consciously improve how they see, think, and behave? I ask the reader to intently reflect on the following story: It portrays a deathbed journey that confronts the deepest regrets of a senseless life -- which unconscious organizations inadvertently create and perpetuate.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO DIFFERENTLY?
As I regained consciousness from what must have been a very deep sleep, I kept my eyes shut and didn't move. I heard the rain beating against the window. It was another dreary day in the city. I also heard the faint voices of my friends, but I didn't feel like talking. I had to figure out what I was experiencing. I had woken up with a peculiar feeling of dread throughout my body. I had never felt anything like it before. It was eerie. It was not of this world. Then, all of a sudden, it hit me: I wasn't going to get stronger. I wasn't going to recover. It was all downhill from here. I knew, without a doubt, I was going to die.
I was startled by my own morbid insight. I instinctively opened my eyes to dodge my coming fate. My two friends noticed that I was awake. Quickly they walked to my bedside. They didn't say anything, but I could read their faces. They also knew what was happening. Maybe the doctor told them or maybe they saw it in my eyes. They both forced a smile, but I could see their distress: They knew that death was approaching.
Peter seemed anxious. He said he was going to get something to eat. He looked at me as if he was trying to say something, but nothing came out. He turned slowly and left the room. Jeff, however, stayed at my side. He put aside his own feelings of discomfort and helped me face the end. I'm not certain what I would have said if I were in his shoes, but Jeff got right to the point: "Do you have any regrets?"
His blunt question caught me off guard. I didn't have an immediate answer. Maybe I was blocking. But after a brief pause, I was able to gather enough strength to ask: "What do you mean?" Jeff reworded his question: "If you could live your life all over again, what would you do differently? I really want to know."
I thought for a while and then started to talk. It's probably the most I ever reflected on my life. At this point, I had nothing to lose.
"Yes, I'm sure there are many things I would do differently. So much comes to mind. I wish I would have spent a lot more time with my kids. They grew up so fast. Before I knew it, they were off on their own. I guess that's what they're supposed to do. But I missed a lot of their growing up. I was always so busy with work and other things.
"I also would have spent more time with my wife. We had so many plans for 'someday.' But we didn't plan on her dying so suddenly. How do you get all those years back? How could anyone know?
"I spent most of my life working. After completing college, I worked for three companies for almost fifty years. That's a lot of time! Basically, I spent most of my waking hours doing things for someone else. That's one reason why I didn't have much time for family. And when I got home at night, I was tired. After dinner, I would go downstairs to my wood shop. Remember all those furniture pieces I used to make? I really enjoyed my hobby. It was the only time I felt I was doing something for me. Maybe if my full-time job had been more interesting, I wouldn't have retreated to my wood shop every weeknight and most weekends.
"In my wood shop, I was in my prime. I was doing something that came from deep inside me, something artistic, creative, lasting, timeless -- something that made a significant difference. I got so much pleasure from creating furniture pieces for all my friends and family. I made tables and desks that people treasure. Some people still remind me about a furniture piece I made for them, way back when. They cherish what I made and are still using my creations. Remember the coffee table I made for your living room? You couldn't believe I spent so much time on that thing. But it was pure joy for me!
"At my job, I never experienced that pure joy. Sure, I had interesting assignments but, all in all, my work was rather empty. There wasn't much of a challenge. No, that's not really it. My work was difficult at times, often exhausting. The main problem, I think, is that there wasn't much of me in my job. I did what others expected of me. I had to please my boss and, in the process, I had to put up with so much foolishness. There was so much politics: everyone maneuvering for the next work assignment and all that in-fighting. There was so much time spent doing things that didn't make sense, that we knew was wrong or wasteful, that was definitely below our standards -- just to get it out the door. We knew which customers would be back for rework. Sending the product out just bought us extra time. It was all about meeting deadlines that someone, who knew nothing about what work had to be done, promised someone else. On top of all that, we couldn't get the cooperation from other departments to keep our work on schedule. What's crazy is that departments were basically competing with one another! Can you imagine that? In the same company, people down the hallway wouldn't tell you when they would deliver what you needed. Or they would flat-out lie to you about what their own department was doing. How are you supposed to do a good job if you can't even count on what your own coworkers tell you?
"And the senior managers were completely in the dark about what was going on. How could they be so blind? They talked about quality and doing things right the first time, but not much happened as a result. They left everything up to our bosses. On so many occasions, we talked about doing things differently. But when we were in the thick of it again, it was business as usual. And I can remember how much money was wasted on those silly training programs. I spent hours and hours learning new stuff that never got used. We always used to say: 'Management should be here to learn this material. Why aren't they here? Why are we here? We can't do anything unless they get behind it'. So why did they make us go through all those training programs and useless exercises?
"No wonder I would come home at night frustrated and exhausted. But I could always escape to my wood shop. There, at least, I could make something special -- and do it right. After I designed a desk for someone, I could order the materials I needed. I knew the best suppliers -- and they knew me. They got me what I wanted when I wanted it. And once I began making a desk, I could stay focused on the friend I was making the desk for. I didn't have to wait for competing departments to do the cutting, the sanding, the staining, the sealing, the gluing, the polishing, the hardware, the packaging, the delivery, and the servicing. I could do all these tasks as needed. Let's compare this to my day job: Producing something as simple as a desk would have been a nightmare in scheduling and a headache in coordinating all the little empires that made up the company.
"Do you remember when I showed you all those different sketches for a coffee table? We created a style that blended with the other furniture in your living room. We had so much fun in coming up with the perfect design. We even changed it again when you saw the next set of drawings I put together. Remember when I finished that coffee table and brought it over to your home? You were so thrilled -- and I was so proud. We started with an empty space and filled it with something beautiful.
"I never had that meaningful experience at work. I never felt I could create something worthwhile. I don't think anyone in the company really cared about our finished products -- as long as the money kept rolling in. The company was about money. It was a numbers game. Work had little to do with pleasure or doing something special for someone else.
"As I now think about it, working in those organizations was a very negative aspect of my life. But the worst part is realizing how much of my life I gave to all those boring, senseless jobs. Not one of the organizations I worked for really got to know me, knew what I could give, what I could achieve -- if I were given half a chance. They only wanted me to do what they thought I should be doing for them, even if it didn't make any sense. My hands were tied by all that ridiculous nonsense going on inside every department: all the games people played to take care of themselves, climb the corporate ladder, and get their paychecks. They never encouraged me to get seriously involved -- so that I could put my true self into my work. They wasted me! I seriously doubt that any of my fellow employees felt they could contribute and truly be themselves. You always had to worry about how it would hurt your career if you spoke out and told the truth -- and didn't go along with the silent crowd of defeated employees.
"Do you realize how many working hours were easily wasted by all those political games and useless procedures? After a while, I think I just turned myself off and switched over to autopilot. I would be at work, my body, that is, but I'd be dreaming about that furniture piece I could work on as soon as I got home at night. And if I got through the week without too much trouble, I would have enough energy left to work in my wood shop for most of the weekend."
That's when Jeff cut in: "So what would you do differently? You now know that you were alive in your wood shop and dead at your job."
"Okay, okay. I see what you're getting at. Well, I couldn't make any major changes in the companies I worked for. They were a tangled mess of competing departments, confusing policies, inefficient procedures, and remote executives anxious for retirement. Besides, most people there had already given up. Plus, I wasn't in charge of what went on. I had from ten to fifteen people reporting to me, at most. I was only a middle manager -- stuck between those out-of-touch executives above and all the turned-off workers below. I wasn't ever going to be president, or anything like that. Actually, I'm not even sure what I would have done if I had been president. The companies I worked for were a complete mess. Even if I owned one of them, I'd probably sell it -- and start all over again."
Jeff pushed me further along: "So you would sell the company and start over again. Now tell me something. What would you do so that you wouldn't re-create the same mess?"
Now I had to think even harder, yet I was getting tired. I don't even know how I got the strength to say what I did. Maybe I could keep going after a short nap. It's all I had left to do.
The next part is hard to recall. I know I continued talking with Jeff, but I'm not sure if it was a real conversation or if I just dreamed it. I know I fell asleep, but I don't remember waking before I started talking again.
Now that I think about it, I got out of bed and found myself by the window in my room, sitting in a chair across from Jeff. What's so weird is that I couldn't walk when I entered the hospital, so how did I get over to the chair? It's all rather vague, but I'll continue with my story anyway.
I looked Jeff straight in the eyes and said: "You asked me before if I had any regrets. Well, I was pretty happy during most of my life, at least what I knew at the time. But now, looking back, it's obvious that I wasted just about eighty percent of my waking life, which is, practically speaking, most of my whole life! That doesn't make me feel very good. Yes, I turned myself off. I just gave up trying to feel good about my job. It was useless trying to work around all those out-of-date manuals and cut through the bureaucratic red tape. I lost the best years of my life! At this moment, I'm not sure if it's better to leave this world ignorant but at least superficially happy or to die well informed but fully aware of my deepest regrets. You really opened up a can of worms for me, didn't you! Why did you raise all these doubts at the end of my life? Can't I just die in peace?"
Do you know what Jeff did next? He totally ignored what I just said and kept pushing with this stupid regrets stuff again by asking me what I would do differently, now that I know what I know. When was he going to stop this eleventh-hour, confrontational crap? Why didn't he just leave with Peter and get something to eat?
Yet, I had to admit, my conversation with Jeff felt unfinished to me. All my doubts and regrets were out there in the open. I couldn't pretend I didn't know what had just come out of my mouth; I couldn't bury it. So I just shrugged my shoulders, sank back into the soft chair, and continued to answer his damn questions.
"If I were fifty years younger, of course, I would do things differently. Since I wouldn't have been president of a company anyway, I'm not going to play that out. I'll just be myself, but this time being fully aware of what I was feeling and how I was living.
"I wouldn't have given up so readily. Maybe I wouldn't have given up at all. I would have kept bucking the system. I wouldn't have done it in a bad way. I would have challenged people to keep in touch with what was hurting the organization -- and what could be done about it. I would have asked my coworkers to talk about their feelings, their experiences, their hopes, their dreams: 'How can we work together so that it all makes sense -- and gets the job done for customers? How can we make our work lives meaningful? What can we do so that we all look forward to coming to work every single day?' I would keep questioning, keep pushing ahead. I wouldn't retreat into a shell. I wouldn't go on autopilot. I wouldn't give up all those years to a senseless existence.
"How long would I keep working within the same organization? It's hard to know. But I wouldn't stay for long if I couldn't succeed at bringing my soul into the workplace. That's too much frustration -- and too much time -- knocking your head against a brick wall. I would keep up the fight for about three to five years. After that, I would take a serious look at my job. And if I hadn't made much headway bringing my whole self into my work, I would start looking for another job. But this time, I would look for a company that deeply cared about its employees and genuinely wanted their true essence in the work; a company that knew how to bring out the very best in its people; a company that didn't want its people to have all the regrets I am now having! I would try to find a company where I could experience the same excitement and meaning that I got from my wood shop. I would search for a while, and then I would take a job with a firm that seemed to understand these things. If I made a wrong choice, I would keep trying to bring out the truth -- and not give up my soul. But if I couldn't find such a company or couldn't change one, I would create my own work life.
"I was very good at woodworking. I could have created a specialty furniture business. I could have hired people as the business grew. I could have really put my soul into this -- if I had been aware of what I'm now seeing. I would have looked for people who also wanted to do something worthwhile. I would have hired people who understood themselves well enough to know what pure joy they could experience through their work. I would hire people who also could get pleasure from creating something special for others. I am not entirely sure how I would have done it, but I would have found people who still had a burning desire to do something meaningful -- so they wouldn't have to be on their deathbed to discover their deepest regrets.
"But my biggest challenge would be creating a company that would actively nourish the radiant spirit inside people -- and not squelch it. This has got to be the key: I would create an organization that would further develop the self-awareness and consciousness of its people. This organization would also nourish its people with a healthy culture, coherent policies, and effective procedures -- so they could give all of themselves to everything they do.
"I know of no better way to create this company than to ask people outright for their help -- and really listen. I would ask them to get together in groups. In a candid dialogue, we would figure out how to design and manage an organization that could appreciate and apply our inner selves. Because we would all be doing this work together, we would all share in the ownership and management of our organization. And yes, after every project or assignment, I would ask people what they would do differently next time -- so they could further develop their self-awareness, heighten the personal meaning of their work, and achieve organizational success.
"This new brand of organization would produce things and provide services that we really care about. I would do everything in my power to encourage people to remain actively involved, say what they have to say, appreciate what others feel, and then figure out a way to make it all work. I wouldn't give up; I wouldn't quit. Expressing your soul at work is a vital aspect of living. Yes, I loved my wife deeply and always will. I deeply love my kids and want the best for them. But I must also love my work! I want to excel at both love and work.
"I couldn't be satisfied, anymore, just retreating to my wood shop. I couldn't let myself waste those forty hours a week, for fifty weeks a year, for nearly fifty years -- by going through the motions at my job while I'm daydreaming about something else. I couldn't go through that again!
"If only my eyes had been open all along. If only I could have spent serious time figuring out my feelings. If only I hadn't waited until the last moment to confront my life, face to face, and realize what I was missing. If only I had known this fifty years ago, I could have saved myself. Chances are, I also might have saved my kids. What did I actually teach them? To put up with meaningless jobs -- and deny their inner selves, their dreams, their desires? They have told me about their jobs. I know they're suffering, too. If only I could have seen then what I see now. I could have thought about things differently. I could have done things differently. But now it's too late. Why did I have to wait so long to wake up? For most of my life, I truly was in a very deep sleep."
That's the last thing I remember saying to myself as I woke up in a panic. My wife was shaking me: "Wake up, wake up! You're having a bad dream. Wake up. Everything's all right!" I opened my eyes and quickly sat up in bed. Just then, my wife and kids began singing, "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you… "
My God, it was only a dream! Or, more accurately, a dream within a dream. I'm alive! I didn't die! And I'm not going to die any time soon. I'm thirty years old today! I could hardly believe it. But then, all of a sudden, I realized that my wife and kids had just finished singing, "Happy birthday." I barely heard it. I had been too preoccupied with the sheer joy of being alive to give them my full attention.
My wife could see that I was still in a heightened state: "That must have been quite a nightmare. You look like you've seen a ghost! I realize you hit thirty today, but it's not like your life is over."
When the kids left our bedroom, I said to her: "It was a very intense experience: I dreamed that you had died, the kids had grown up and left, only Peter and Jeff were with me, and I was dying!"
"Oh my," she said, "that was a nightmare! Are you okay?"
"I think so. But I need some time to figure it out. Something tells me that my dream had to do with my birthday. I think I died but was given a second chance. Everything looks different. Everything has changed. Now I know what I must do. I know how to save myself. I know how I want to live. And I'm only thirty years old. My God, I'm so young. I have so much time. Let me think about it some more. I'll tell you everything, but I don't want to lose what I just experienced. I want to remember everything!"
My wife seemed a bit perplexed with my muddled description, but she still honored my wishes: "Just so you don't forget -- Jeff will be here in about an hour."
What? Jeff is coming here today?"
"Yes," she said, "don't you remember? He wants to wish you happy birthday and spend some time with you. He's also eager to see how much progress you've made on the end table -- you know, the one to go with the coffee table you gave him last year. You promised to show it to him today. Don't you remember?"
I nodded my head as if I remembered, but I didn't. Wow, I must be really out of it. Or, just maybe, I'm finally "in it." I was so excited that Jeff would be here soon. He would help me remember my dream. After all, he was there!
Jeff and I talked for hours. It was great. Occasionally, I confused the real Jeff with the mythical Jeff, but he was very understanding -- just as he had been in my dream.
In the days and weeks to come, I spent a lot of time thinking about my deathbed experience. I recorded everything I could remember, every word that I thought to myself or said to Jeff. I came to the realization that I had given myself the nicest birthday present anyone could ever give: the gift of self-awareness. It took the ultimate encounter with death, as real as it could ever be, to force me to take an honest look at myself: to see what deep regrets I might have had -- if I had continued on my present course. And once I answered the questions that Jeff put to me, I faced my regrets with an open mind -- and an open heart. The quintessential gift, however, was when I realized that the near-death encounter was just a sequence of dreams. I now have a lifetime to make sure that when my end does come, I will have made more conscious choices along the way -- so there won't be much to regret.
In the years to come, it won't be easy: I will have to put myself on the line, time and time again, so I can be true to myself. I will have to risk my job and maybe my career. I will have to risk losing relationships and organizations -- if my coworkers and bosses won't give me the freedom to be myself at work.
But here is the ultimate challenge: How to create an organization in which all members can express their true nature in everything they do -- where developing self-aware consciousness is recognized as being an essential journey for becoming a whole person and contributing to a worthwhile cause. Just imagine what such a new organization of people could do for themselves and for others around the world!
A CHALLENGE TO THE READER
A person's struggle for self-aware consciousness is universal -- if it hasn't been shattered by dysfunctional families, communities, organizations, and nations. Learning to see, think, and behave in increasingly adaptive ways is the essential path to survival, success, and evolution. The introductory story has illuminated a moral: The sooner people get in touch with their inner selves and their genuine desires, the more time they will have left to make better choices and live fuller lives. And then, when their deathbed experience is imminent, it will be a time for inner peace -- not utter denial or helpless remorse over what might have been.
Chapters 1 and 2 provide a coherent framework for understanding and creating a quantum organization -- an organization that is designed to nurture the true essence of who we are and what we can meaningfully provide for others. This conceptual material is not so much difficult as it is foreign to those who have been infused with the traditional ways of seeing, thinking, and behaving. In these two chapters, I present to you (1) a new paradigm and (2) how it can create a new type of organization. If you give me your undivided attention for two chapters -- and read this material with an open mind and an open heart -- you will discover a new world of work without having to go through the ultimate encounter yourself. In the process, you will deeply understand the crucial differences between viewing inert objects through the Cartesian-Newtonian Paradigm and viewing mindful people through the Quantum-Relativistic Paradigm. Additionally, you will deeply understand the essential distinctions between an unconscious Newtonian organization and a self-aware quantum organization -- as portrayed throughout our story.
After you have read Chapters 1 and 2, you can learn the details for transforming a Newtonian organization into a quantum organization by reading Chapters 3, 4, and 5. Chapter 6 then returns to the vital theme of self-aware consciousness via ego energy, spiritual enlightenment, and the further evolution of people and their organizations.